he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
