Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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