How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
