Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
