The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
