pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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