??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
