Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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