I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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