Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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