I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I faked an abortion last night.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
