Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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