Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
