Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
