thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
