She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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