You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
