If that was your dad, he is hot
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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