Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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