i need an iv and a liver transplant
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
