Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Even my vagina gasped.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
