i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
