you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
