you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
