If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
