did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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