she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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