found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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