from now on my penis is your penis
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
