Farmville is her only friend.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Damn victory sex feels great
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
