dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
