Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
A bitchslap is in order.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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