If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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