We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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