so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
