i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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