and you said cock pushups were impossible
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Vodka?
Forever.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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