the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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