in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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