I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
