i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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