Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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