It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
