the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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