apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
