just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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