There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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