yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
