Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
