Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
third nipple confirmed
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
