so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
