I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my being single is dangerous.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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