I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
