you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
