right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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