hotel room ftw
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
