I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
