I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
