Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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