Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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