all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My vagina just recognized that song.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
