I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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