FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
