Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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