she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
