how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
