I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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