Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
