3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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