I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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