he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
