i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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