dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
