I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
