I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
